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Farm Girl At Heart

I’ve been quiet

Ok, I’ve been quiet for a while. The first thing is I know I was censored and I hate that. If I say something I don’t want it filtered. That’s one problem these days, restriction and censoring and filtering of everyone’s thoughts and beliefs and opinions. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be no but it’s still there. It’s definitely pretty visible on Facebook that’s for sure. But if I say a curse word bleep the stupid thing if you must but don’t NOT post my blog article seriously.. I know that’s what happened because I got likes until those 2 were typed where I used profanity. Get over it, stop being butt hurt yuppies please. We are a different breed and you need to learn to tolerate and deal with people who are different than you. Elementary school stuff…see I didn’t say shhhhht although I wanted to. Anyway, I’m reading screen shots of this chick’s ranting convo about her flipping out over her 8 year old son being able to look up the word sex on a school tablet. Oh the horror, yanking him out of the school and raising a tsunami over it is not the answer super mom. That is stupid. If you weren’t an uptight snob you’d just laugh and brush it off and say oops they might want to update the kid’s settings on this thing and let them know. Instead you freak out over your little snowflake seeing a boob and call in the troops and news crews. What in the world has happened to people and their sensitivities anymore? They have gotten to where they are unable to function in the real gritty raw world and they expect some perfect cushioned bubble to be constantly protected in. I can only shake my head and be glad I’m not that type of mother. I hope she has fun with her 15 minutes of fame and drama filled unnecessary heLLL raising…

Censorship 

Ok, it drives me crazy. I’m pretty sure they do it here because I’ve posted two different things and noone has seen them at all, but the one before is getting viewed several times..so umm stop censoring me! Ughhh..what’s the point in being able to have your own blog if you can’t say what you want to say? 

Rant..

Ok, you know what pisses me off? When people assume things and judge you without even knowing anything about you. I was grocery shopping with my toddler in tow and this 50 something man was helping his older mother grocery shop and he gives me this contemptuous look like he was judging me and thought I got food stamps or something..I could tell by the way he looked at us. First of all, let me tell you about that bullshit judgement. Don’t you dare judge people for that, they aren’t always lazy welfare moochers who sit around on their fat asses and get money for not working or lying about “disabilities” that they supposedly have. Some of these people have worked hard their whole lives and have just fallen on hard times, maybe they’ve gotten sick and couldn’t work for a little while or some major life event happened that made it tough for them to make it. So they had to give in and swallow their pride and go get some help. Anyway, no I do not get food stamps now, but I have before like when I made a bad decision during a tough time in my life and had unprotected sex and ended up pregnant and was not working enough hours at the time to be able to make it and pay for prenatal care and properly feed my child in the womb. That was an unfortunate event and I had worked my ass off since I was 17, so no I didn’t really feel bad about having to get them at that time. But no one should have to feel ashamed of that anyway and it highly annoys me that there are bitter miserable people who do give people those shitty looks and judge them if they are buying more than a few days worth of groceries or if they don’t look like a beauty queen when they go to the grocery store.. Sorry if any of you don’t like my potty mouth, but that’s me so ya might want to go elsewhere if you can’t handle it. I made sure I spoke up and talked out loud and said that guy must have thought we got food stamps, but no he’s wrong my husband works his ass off for everything we buy. I didn’t care if anyone heard me. I’m at that point in my life where I’m tired of other people’s judgements and assumptions and they can kiss my ass. That is all.

Obligatory family visits…

Ok so my hubby’s parents are weird. His mother was like Norman Bates’ mother when we met and she still has those evil tendencies. I can’t even explain her level of crazy. If we wouldn’t have had a child together I would’ve ran away and said sorry I’m not dealing with that. So I guess she was used to girls screwing him over and thought everyone was after “his money”. Um mommy dearest, if I had wanted a guy for his money I wouldn’t have picked a blue collar good ole boy who is temporarily riding on the gas extracting bandwagon, I would’ve shot for a more upper class kinda guy or foreign prince you know the ones with real money.. I have fought that assumption because we were just friends and I ended up getting pregnant and he was man enough to want to support his child and his baby momma and not leave us in the dust and abandon us. It was not intentional, it was not my plan, it was not some conspiracy to take advantage of him. I kinda did love him..we were just both too stubborn to admit it so fate intervened and did it for us. Two infertile 30 somethings were sent a baby to raise together. I’m good to my hubby, I have been from the beginning. No our relationship was not ideal or by the book and nothing happened in order like the song..but we are still together over 3 years later and we haven’t killed each other yet and his mother finally eased up on the psycho behavior about a year ago. Well I had to blow up on her a couple times unfortunately but she got the message I think. I think she just gets miserable and is one of those people who thrives on stirring up the hornets nest and being argumentive and judgemental because she’s bored. She has some kind of jealous preoccupation with stay at home moms and wives like we just spend money like air and go shopping every day and enjoy working our poor husband’s to death while we sit back and watch..ummm noooo. I do it all at home while he’s out at his job sometimes 15 hours or more a day and I’m juggling the lives of 3 of us and everything that goes along with the upkeep of our daily lives and he doesn’t have to lift a finger here at home. I’m definitely not out getting my hair and nails done and doing frivolous things with his money and acting like some gold digging hussy like she’s always pictured in the back of her mind. She started back to church and that did help her attitude. I noticed she wasn’t nearly as hateful and bitchy since she had other people to feed on and gossip about..you know what the funny part of this story is? I was absolutely in love with this guy 5 years ago and planned on moving away with him and getting married and having kids. The only catch was he had an overbearing, over protective mother who basically worshipped him and their religion required her to pretty much interview his potential bride and he told me she rejected a girl when he was younger and it devastated him. Ok, I’m definitely going to be rejected because of my past mistakes after my divorce. Plus I was not a religious person, strike two. It was so unfair though because we were crazy about each other like the passionate movie romances you see. But to make a long story short, as painful as it was I ended it because for one he had a really crazy job at the time and he was more loyal to his “brothers” at that job than anything or anyone else so he ended up partying with them instead of spending time with me before he left for training for work plus I knew I would never measure up to his mother’s standards..so what happened? I ended up with a mil who was probably comparable to the one I thought I dodged the bullet from. So my advice is don’t take the easy way out because it will come back and haunt you. Life will teach you the same lesson until you learn it, really learn it…that is true. 

The quiet of the night

I just got my son to bed and my husband went off to bed. I don’t want to sleep yet, so why not write a bit? I think I may have found my new addiction… I haven’t had a vice or something to really get into and enjoy thoroughly since I did my free trial of Ancestry! HA. And no that was NOT an advertisement. I honestly loved researching my family history and I found out some things I did not know anything about. It was like putting pieces of a puzzle together about myself and why I like and do certain things. It was very interesting. I found out that my great grandma was listed on the Dawes Roll as being full Cherokee by blood. I had no idea she was of Native ancestry at all! I knew her name, that is the only information I ever knew about her. I think she had a volatile relationship with my grandma’s father and they both abandoned her with family at one point, so my grandma really didn’t care for either of her parents and never talked about them. My Aunt said she never wanted to talk about them, so I guess the kids didn’t really push the issue to learn about their family history. So I start looking into my great grandmother’s family and I see these strange names that look Asian. I looked further into it and found out they were Indian names (pardon my non-PC name but I find the term Native to be odd for me to say). I was surprised our connection was so close because normally when someone thinks they have Indian ancestry it is pretty far back in their family tree or just a myth or rumor. Nope, not mine. I found that we have both Shawnee and Cherokee ancestry and are descendents of Chief Cornstalk, which was pretty shocking to me. I found that Indian men had multiple wives and the family tree can get pretty confusing! So finally I found out why people always thought I looked ethnic and always commented on my hair and were fascinated with how long and thick and pretty it was and asked me if I had Indian in me. I honestly didn’t know. I’m proud of that. I can’t believe they had to hide it in the past! That’s so sad! I have a very rich heritage full of various ethnic groups and I don’t hide that. You would think with it being 2017 this country would be past all that nonsense, but unfortunately things seem to be going in reverse in some ways. Well, just know that I am accepting of everyone and you won’t hear me spewing any hateful things or nasty judgements on this blog.

Farm Girl At Heart. What does that mean?

I have never blogged before. I am 38, a mother of a 3 year old ornery boy, and an oilfield wife and stay at home mom. I barely keep it together some days and I often wonder if there are other moms like me out there, so I wanted to start a blog to find out. I wanted to reach out to those of you who think you are a fish out of water or feel like you will never fit in among the other young moms out there.

First of all, let me talk about something I told my husband the other day. I told him I was a “farm girl at heart”. I like my “muck boots” or “gum boots” as my dad used to call them. I like enjoying nature and I miss riding 4wheelers and living in the country and being able to do what I want with my own yard and space around me. I grew up on a small farm and had a good friend whose parents and grandparents ran a farm and I got used to that life. My older brother and I ran around all over my parents farm and my grandma’s farm during our childhoods. We had that awesome outdoor childhood that is only talked about in reminiscing tales of running by ourselves all day through the fields and the woods and playing in the creeks and by the pond at my grandma’s house. Our parents weren’t worried about us being out of their sight or falling in the pond or getting bit by snakes, or if they were they didn’t show it. We learned to pay attention to our surroundings on our own and we knew to avoid snakes and other dangerous things we encountered while out and about in nature.

I had a friend who lived in town and I was introduced to a different world of video games and pizza rolls and toaster strudels. I loved that her dad liked 7up just like I did. My mom had to stretch her pennies due to having a large household, so we didn’t get to eat food like that very often. We didn’t know we were missing anything. It was just nice to try something new. I am glad I was exposed to different worlds and ways of living. I enjoyed going to stay with my friend and being able to walk to town and see our friends and shoot a game of pool or walk to the park. We were from a really small town, so I’m sure everyone was keeping an eye on us to tell our parents if we were up to anything we shouldn’t have been doing.

Well, that’s all the story telling I have for today but I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you why I call myself a farm girl at heart. I hope my husband and I can have our own little farm some day and I can get back to my roots.

Damaged, but still beautiful

I love this picture of an old barn. It’s falling down and it’s damaged, but it is still beautiful. I hate to see old barns in disrepair. It breaks my heart. I think people should fix them. I guess I kind of feel a connection to their state. I feel like I have been damaged and I’ve fallen down many times, but someone has always came along to help me up and fix me and not let me disappear from the horizon. I guess it’s not always a sad story when a barn falls however, the boards could be turned into a piece of art or a nice primitive piece for someone to treasure.

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